I’m not a big fan of lawyers because they usually need to be hired when things are going wrong and in my opinion, only add to the misery. The retainer alone for a typical divorce is between $2,500 - $5,000 dollars, just to get the ball rolling.

When you go through a divorce, your finances are going to take a huge hit, even when you don’t take into consideration the fifteen grand the attorneys milk out of you. And finances are often the cause of marital turmoil in the first place, so divorce only compounds the problem.

A recent pole was conducted on what topic most couples fight about the most often. Well of course money, or lack there of, won the pole. And it wasn’t even close!

Fighting and worrying about money are the two most destructive things couples practice with religious regularity in most marriages. Every fight or worry takes a bite out of the relationship and leaves it’s mark until there’s so much bitterness and hatred for the other person, it would be impossible to ever reconcile the marriage even if the lack of money suddenly no longer existed.

Lack of money can be a temporary thing, but the caustic emotions and venomous insults hurled at one another during the experience can last a lifetime and be impossible to recover from. I suppose it’s possible but I’ve certainly never seen it done.

With this in mind and assuming for the moment you have not crossed these invisible boundaries, here are three things to consider when a woman decides to entertain the discussion of dwindling finances with her man:

One - Believe in him. More than just about anything, men crave your support. Especially if you are having difficulty with your finances and things are not going exactly as planned. The absolute last thing he needs is a critic, he already knows things aren’t as they should be. He knows he’s stumbling and in danger of losing sight of his hopes and dreams, he certainly doesn’t need you piling on. He needs your support and encouragement. If he sees you have lost faith in his ability to provide, he will quit, his spirit will be completely and utterly broken and there will be no chance of pulling out of this downward financial spiral.

Two - Be kind. Men are fragile creatures whether you want to believe that or not. If you disagree with a course of action your man has taken and you think you have a route that may lead to a better result, try and guide him back on course instead of being forthright and critical. Remember how you treat a new friend when your opinions differ and how diplomatic and considerate you are of that person’s feelings, your man deserves the same respect. And limit your criticisms to the things that really matter. If everything he does bothers you, why are you with him in the first place? Perhaps it’s time for a self evaluation.

Three - Be tolerant. Your man is not a work in progress, quit trying to change and mold him into something he’s not. Accept him for who he is and encourage his interest and needs, even if they seem immature or a waste of time and money. Men need alone time as well as time with their guy friends. Just as you need to get your nails and hair done every two weeks, he needs to golf or have a beer or two with his buddies on a regular basis.

Trying to change a mans behavior is an absolutely horrible and cruel thing to do. You would not want him to consider you a “diamond in the rough” and constantly try to polish and shape you into his ideal version of what he thinks you should be, would you? If his behaviors are a complete turn off and are financially ruining you, once again I ask, why are you with him in the first place?

These three considerations will go a long way in smoothing out some of the relationship bumps, but if you are no longer able to even consider any of these suggestions, maybe it is time to consider calling it quits. Divorce ain’t cheap though. It’s emotionally and financially devastating to both people involved and should be considered carefully.

You can pick up a wonderful guide at my website to help you decide if divorce is the right decision for you, and should you decide that it is, this guide can literally save you thousands of dollars in costly mistakes you can avoid during this trying time.