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6 Ways to Beat the Blues

by PGoldberg

Your thoughts are mental products although they don't necessarily
reflect an absolute reality. However, for you, they do represent
how you feel. Some people can't help but wear their hearts on
their sleeves. Others are more able to manage their emotions and
function as if everything is fine. Born to a single mother with
serious financial problems, Debra often struggled with her
feelings growing up. Now a married Sandwiched Boomer, with a lot
of life experience under her belt, a family of her own, and more
responsibility for her mom, she's dealing better with her
emotions:

"I have to work at being more optimistic and worrying less. I no
longer dwell so much on the negatives, and looking at things from
a more positive perspective is not as hard as I thought it would
be." Just like Debra, you can learn how to reframe your thoughts
and take better care of your emotional self. Begin by following
these tips:

1.	Focus your thoughts on what you can accomplish rather than on
what you cannot. Look on the bright side of difficult situations
as you create a balance between caring for others and nurturing
your personal needs. You may even want to make a schedule until
this becomes a routine that is factored into your daily life.
Although you often cannot control external circumstances, you can
control how you handle them.

2.	Honor your body by taking notice of what makes you feel
better, both physically and emotionally -  pay attention to your
exercise routine, what you eat, your sleeping habits and what
gives you pleasure. Reduce the situations that cause stress and
increase the ones that make you feel more relaxed or alive.

3.	Forgive others who are important to you for some past
wrongdoing. Watch their reaction and see how that makes you feel.
That doesn't mean you have to totally forget about it. But learn
a lesson from the situation and move on, especially for your own
good.

4.	Practice what you know about being resilient. Recognize how
your character strengths support what you do. Integrate your core
values and personal ideals into how you view the world. Release
tension through laughter and watch yourself begin to bounce back.

5.	Knowledge is power. Use it to your advantage. Gather
information about ways to deal with how you are feeling - explore
Internet search engines or the self-help section of bookstores.
Talk about how you are feeling with friends and family whose
opinions you respect. Schedule a few sessions with a therapist or
a life coach.

6.	Support is a valuable tool - connect often. Find a class or
workshop through your local university extension program or
mental health center. Join an ongoing group or attend a weekend
retreat to share concerns and gain new perspective. Spend some
time with others who will support your ideas, validate your
perceptions and help you follow through with your plans.

It can be difficult to maintain a sense of optimism when
emotional circumstances are complicated and perhaps even painful.
But you owe it to yourself to begin to better understand and cope
with your changing moods. Talking about your negative feelings
can increase your awareness and mitigate symptoms. In addition,
you need to flip the coin and look on the bright side - for
example, recognize the insight, strengths and skills that are
already an integral part of you.

Some experts say that you have to feel better before you can
change your behavior. Others advise you to behave positively and
the feelings will follow. Try something as simple as being
friendly when you're feeling shy, or act happy when you feel sad.
You know what happens when someone smiles at you. You can't help
but smile back - and that feels good. Make a commitment to look
at life through a more positive lens, starting right now.

Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. is co-founder of <a
href="http://www.HerMentorCenter.com">
http://www.HerMentorCenter.com</a>, a website for midlife women
and <a
href="http://www.NourishingRelationships.Blogspot.com">http://www.NourishingRelationships.Blogspot.com</a>,
a blog for the Sandwich Generation. She is co-author of a
forthcoming book about Baby Boomers and family relationships. She
offers a free newsletter <a
href="http://www.hermentorcenter.com">Stepping Stones</a>.

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