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Divorced Dads Tips: Christmas and Holiday Access: Long distance Holiday Solutions

by doppler

What do the courts have to say about an ex-wife who does not
answer the phone, place children on the phone to speak to them
about Christmas and Birthday gifts, to confirm that they have
arrived?

What can you do when you call everyday and do not get an answer?
What do you do when you want the kids to visit and your ex-wife
says "take me to court."

Sometimes these orders happen because the divorced dad does not
even bother to show up in Family Court for the hearing. That's
always a bad idea. Here's why according to one such father. She
initially held court without me to set the visitation at
reasonable and I have not seen my children since.

Well, part of what the problem is, you have not got really the
right kind of order in order to make the kind of progress that
you want. For example, as long as you just have an order that
says reasonable visitation, what does reasonable mean? Well, that
is all open to interpretation.  What you need is you need an
order that gives you specific access, specific dates, and
specific times and if she is disobeying that, then you have got
to be very vigorous in taking her in each time in order to
demonstrate to the court that there is reasonable grounds for
coming back to court.

But it can get even worse when you and Mom live in two different
states or provinces.

When you live in a different state or province than where the
kids are living, it is not like you can walk into that court in
the jurisdiction where the kids live. You live in a totally
different area of the country. What do you do in a case like
that?

First, the unfortunate reality is this: Because that kid is
living in a different jurisdiction, that is where all the action
is going to be taking place. This is one of the biggest problems
that happen when you have a move away and it can be the most
frustrating one. The best suggestion that I can give a parent in
that situation is you have got to go follow your child, and nail
down the jurisdiction with a non-removal order.

Not having such an order is often why the problem has come about
in the first place, as Judges don't let move-away's happen too
easily. And when they do, usually you can really nail down the
jurisdiction if you follow.

The reason that you have got to go follow ultimately is because
the fight is going to be happening in a court where that that
child is. If you are not there, picture this that you use
procedure that allows you to put paperwork in at your court then
your paperwork goes and it travels to the other courts. So, it
goes into court where the mother lives. Here is what is going to
happen. The mother is going to be heard with her lawyer and who
is going to be speaking for you?  Your paperwork.

And who will be speaking for your ex-wife? Her lawyer.

It is possible, but again more often than not, when we are
talking about inter-jurisdictional matters, if you are not
actually there at the hearing it has been our experience that you
are not taken in seriously.

However, when you turn up at these hearings, I mean even if you
have to travel from where it is that you are living then
participate, you are taken darn seriously.

The judge usually looks at someone like that if they have
traveled a great distance to come and attend at a hearing that
they are much, much more serious.  We do understand that there is
always is going to be financial constraints.

If you're bothering to spend money on a lawyer, you will also
want to make sure that that lawyer is really advocating for you
by being there and watching that process.  Sometimes you do have
to step in and say, "Your Honor, I would like to just add to what
my lawyer or attorney has just said," so that you can expand on
things the Judge needs to know.

You know your case better than anyone. You are living it. Your
lawyer does not necessarily know it to the degree that you do.

One imperfect solution is virtual visitation. It is getting
ordered by the courts. It is not a perfect solution, but it is at
least a foothold in order to get consistent contact in some
manner and some contact is always going to be better than no
contact.

This is what virtual visitation is: Basically the child will be
sitting in front of a computer with a camera and then dad or one
of the grandparents are sitting at a computer in their home in a
totally different part of the country also in front of a camera.

It is a video call - It is so much more intimate and so much
more fun and interesting to have that kind of a visit with a
child than just a phone call. There are throughout the United
States and now there is legislation that has gone through, it
depends on your state. We are hoping to actually get a pretty
amazing guest on our regular teleseminars in the future.

This gentleman actually developed the software for virtual
visitation and he has also put together legislative procedures
and so on and has been responsible for changing the legislation
in several states all over the US to include this as part of the
family law within that jurisdiction. So, it became part of a
court order so that if mom moved away or if dad moved away, he
could still ask for virtual visitation over and above the summer
holidays.

If you find yourself in these situations you will need mentoring
and ideas in order to make progress in your difficult Family
Court matter, which is why we have weekly calls where you can get
the help you need.

Danny Guspie - Executive Director of Fathers Resources
International can help you learn the successful strategies of
fathers who have won in Family Court. Join us on our weekly calls
at
<a href="http://www.DivorcedDadWeekly.com">
DivorcedDadWeekly.com</a> where we will share with you what
works for successful divorced dads.

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