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Two Ready-Made Speachlets

by jimmycox

Have you not been called upon for a few remarks and know by
experience some of the embarrassments such a call entails?

The following two speechlets, embrace a pleasing variety of wit
and wise sayings appropriate for many occasions. All successful
speakers admit the great advantage of being prepared. Robert
Ingersoll, one of the greatest orators that ever lived, denied
there ever was impromptu speaking. He claims that all speeches of
merit must be prepared. Few men make so many speeches as Chauncey
Depew. He admits that he prepares his speeches in advance and
goes loaded for the occasion.

"Preparation is the real art of speaking to please," said Tom
Marshall. "They tell of my astonishing bursts of eloquence. I
simply write out my speech in full and commit it to memory."

BEING SUDDENLY ASKED TO SPEAK

This call is really a surprise. I am a very bashful man, but
unfortunately am so constructed physically as to be unable to
make people understand that I am backward about coming forward.
If a bashful man knows he has to speak it just spoils all his
fun; he can't enjoy the entertainment a bit until his part of it
is over.

If friends must expose my inability to talk well, thanks are due
them for not letting me know I should be called upon and allowing
me to thoroughly enjoy myself up to this time. I have talked with
men who have a reputation as after-dinner speakers who assured me
that they could not half enjoy a dinner while trying to pull
together thoughts worth uttering at its close.

It is said even of Chauncey Depew, that in company with ladies
he was looking over a famous collection of paintings, among which
was one of Daniel in the lion's den. One lady asked why it was
that Daniel, who was in great danger, should look so happy and
contented. Mr. Depew said he thought Daniel appeared so happy
because he knew that when the banquet was over he would not be
called upon for an after-dinner speech. 'A touch of nature makes
the whole world kin.' There are others who feel shaky about
speech-making.

A boy wrenched his leg, and his mother insisted on calling in an
osteopath. This party manipulated the leg very freely and rather
roughly for a time, then assuring the mother that he had
everything in place and that the boy would soon be well, took his
leave.

The mother, thinking such manipulations must have been painful,
complimented the boy on his courage and fortitude during the
ordeal. The boy replied: "You don't think I was fool enough to
give that osteopath the sore leg." If not satisfied with my talk
I can take refuge in claiming that the wrong leg was pulled.

FAREWELL REMARKS

At this parting banquet you call for farewell remarks, and since
the time my wife surprised me kissing a pretty girl I've not been
at such a loss for speech. My remarks on that occasion might have
been appropriately alluded to as 'the infinity of silence.' There
is a saying that "out of a full heart the mouth speaketh," but I
find it about as difficult to talk when the heart is full as when
the breath is short. The 'lump in the throat' is worse than a
strangle hold.

There are billows far out on the ocean That never will break on
the beach; So waves upon waves of emotion May find no expression
in speech.

I find myself 'too full for utterance,' full of gratitude for
many proofs of your friendship and esteem; full of regret for
being under the necessity of severing my connection with 'so
goodly a company.' What can I say that is fitting and worthy of
this occasion? When most we feel, then are we least capable of
giving our emotion vent in well chosen words. Elegant diction can
seldom grace farewell remarks, for: "Of all such speech the
silent part is best; of all expression, that which cannot be
expressed." What is harder to appropriately frame in words than
the bitter-sweet of farewells?

The above two speechlets will be appropriate to many occasions
and will make you an instant success.  Good luck!

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