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Call Of The Mall--The Seasons Of Shopping

by John_Penberthy

My wife and 15 year-old daughter are shopping addicts. It�s
unquestionably their favorite way of mother-daughter bonding. By
comparison, a request from me to my daughter to go for a hike, my
favorite way of father-daughter bonding, is met with rolling eyes
and the inevitable question, �How long will it be?� My daughter
has been under the tutelage of my wife since she was three and
was awarded her Master Shopper Certification at age 11 years, 1
month, 2 days, just a two months shy of the world record 10
years, 11 months, 26 days. I don�t begrudge them this pleasure,
but I am envious (maybe that�s why I�m writing this).

My wife and daughter get more pleasure out of shopping for
clothes than most people do from a $40 meal, even if they come
home with one $15 item (which is rare). Or, as Tammy Faye Bakker
once put it, �Shopping is a lot cheaper than a psychiatrist.�
When they return home from a shopping foray, my daughter tries on
her purchases for me and tells me how much of a discount she got
on each. Somehow $20 off a $70 sweater doesn�t have the same
impression on me as it did on Abercrombie. But I smile and tell
her how �cute� it is. By now I have learned that any other
reaction is futile. My wife, by comparison, learned long ago not
to seek my approval of her purchases; the first time I see them
is when she wears them.

I shop for clothes occasionally. For me, the operative word is
�need.� For my wife and daughter, the operative word is �want.�
When I define a need, I visit the store that carries the item,
purchase it and leave. In, out, done. My wife and daughter never
feel satisfied until they have visited every clothing store in
the mall and made sure they got the �cutest� items at the lowest
prices. The economist in me calls this �maximizing shopping
utility.�

I used to point out to my wife and daughter that they can only
wear one thing at a time, and that one-fifth of humanity has only
one change of clothes. This was a total waste of breath; what was
I thinking? Both have closets stuffed to the brim with �cute�
clothes. Fortunately these closets are not overly large and so
they are forced to recycle (my consolation). Other than shoes, I
cannot ever recall them ever recycling a clothing item that was
worn out, which has always seemed to me the prime reason for
buying new clothes in the first place. I sometimes think our
family alone keeps the Salvation Army in business. I know it�s
just a matter of time before the IRS audits us and disallows our
massive writeoffs to charity.

My only other consolation is that my wife has a fairly advanced
case of what she calls �shopping bulimia.� After she buys an
article of clothing she brings it home and tries it on again to
see if she �really likes it.� Fortunately, she changes her mind
on about about 20 percent of her purchases, which she then
returns to the store for a refund or credit. This enables her to
experience the joy of buying some items without them ultimately
costing anything.

Due to their diligence, my wife and daughter have on rare
occasions actually had the peak shopping experience they refer to
as the Shopping Miracle. This is when an expensive item,
sometimes one they�ve had their eyes on for months, has been
marked down for the third or fourth time, usually to about
one-third of its supposed �retail value.� Such occasions, which
generally happen only to truly serious shoppers, are the source
of immeasurable delight, satisfaction and conversation.

Over the years I have noticed a pattern to their shopping which
delineates the year much the same way that football seasons do.
In early May, Pre-season starts. This is when they �need� new
summer clothes and good deals can be had on winter clothes. My
daughter has grown another inch and �cute� new fashions titillate
their shopping senses. They have held off since last season and
the call of the mall can no longer be denied.

Pre-season runs until August, when Regular Season gets underway.
School is just around the corner and the justification for new
purchases has never been stronger. Surely my daughter can�t be
seen wearing the same things she wore last year! With the kickoff
of Regular Season, my wife and daughter will often migrate beyond
their normal shopping territory to other, more distant malls in
the metro area. Our local mall can be completely shopped in a
solid long day, but other malls open up whole new worlds of
shopping opportunities.

Just about the time the Regular Season seems to be winding down,
my wife and daughter catch new wind with the arrival of November
and Christmas buying. Having largely fulfilled their personal
shopping needs, they can now shop for others! It doesn�t get any
better than this�shopping and altruism combined. For the next
seven weeks they are intensely focused on purchasing just the
right gifts for all of our friends and relatives. It is now when
all the advance work of the previous three months comes into play
and when I have to remind myself that yes, in spite of their
continual absence, I do have a family.

Regular Season ends in a flurry of buying in the week preceding
Christmas. They shop to the point where the thought of purchasing
actually begins to lose some of its allure and then, thankfully,
comes Christmas morning�the Big Purge. In a period of 90 minutes,
all they have worked for in the previous seven weeks is disgorged
from its wrappings and ooohed and aaahed by the relatives. For my
wife and daughter, this is the pinnacle of the shopping year,
knowing that all those days spent shopping has brought pleasure
to so many others.

For a few brief days after Christmas there is a shopping lull.
The thought of driving to the mall, of entering another store, of
spending more money actually feels a bit distasteful. But then
the Christmas gift certificates my daughter has received begin to
gnaw their way into her awareness and she is gradually restored
to normalcy. Plus the incredible deals at the post-Christmas
sales beckon. And so they enter Post-season. It�s back to the
mall, back to the shopping, but I can tell by the weariness in
their voices and the brevity of their shopping forays that their
hearts are not in it the way they were in Regular Season.

Post-season is gratefully short; it runs for only about a month.
By the end of January, my wife and daughter are fully sated and
ready for a break. The feet sore, the checking account depleted,
Off Season begins. For the first few months it is actually a
welcome relief�no more malls, no more shopping. Despite the
sales, the appeal just isn�t there. But as the weather warms, the
coats and sweaters are stashed away. The desire for new adornment
is refreshed and renewed with the emergence of spring greenery,
and the call of the mall once again beckons in the distance.

John Penberthy is the author of the spiritual allegory�now in 11
languages� To Bee or Not to Bee (Sterling Publishing). Available
in bookstores, including Barnes & Noble, throughout North
America. View the 60 second Preview and send free ecards at <a
href="http://www.ToBeeBook.com" title="http://www.ToBeeBook.com"
target="_blank">http://www.ToBeeBook.com</a>. And endearing gift!

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