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Holidays And Blended Families - How Do I Make It Work?

by James_Burns

No I�m not remarried. Based upon my past history I may never get
married again. That is not a knock on my Judy who is the most
wonderful, beautiful, understanding and compassionate women I
have ever been with. Both of us have children who we love like
there is no tomorrow. She has two boys and a girl, I have two
girls. Judy�s daughter Randi is married and is pregnant and
working on a family of her own. Her other two boys are 22 and 19.
Danny still lives at home, and Ben is a freshman at Dartmouth.
Yeah, Ivy league. I have two daughters, Sarah and Grace who both
live with their mother. Sarah is almost 17 and Grace is 11.
Christmas has become a wonderful time for me. It wasn�t always
that way, but it is now. I love spending Christmas day with my
kids, exchanging gifts and enjoying a wonderful Christmas meal
that Judy always prepares. By the way Judy is Jewish so before
she met me Christmas day meant a trip to the movies and a Chinese
restaurant. Because she loves me and my children she makes
Christmas at my house festive, joyful and a lot of fun for
everybody.

That�s how it is on my end on Christmas day. The problems comes
in when I have to wrangle with my ex wife during the holiday
season. I usually have the kids on Christmas, but because she
really wants them she can have a tendency to make life less
festive. She does have the kids on Christmas Eve, when they have
dinner at their aunts� house. My kids love coming to my house on
Christmas because they are the center of attention and receive
their presents. It is an absolute blast for me to give them their
gifts and see their eyes light up. The tension though of dealing
with my ex wife can dampen their spirit and sometime mine, if I
let it.

Now, some dads may be remarried, have kids from a previous
marriage, have kids from their present marriage and have
something called a blended family. Managing that crowd of people
during the holidays may be something that you have to start
preparing for right after the New Year. But, maybe not if you
just make a few adjustments in your thinking as you deal with
this complicated mess.

The thing I want most during the holiday season is peace. I
don�t want arguments during the year and I sure don�t want them
now. I can�t control my ex wife�s thought process, my God that
would require a slide rule, but I can develop with my own
perspective on the situation. During the Thanksgiving holiday I
had my Thanksgiving dinner on the Friday after Thanksgiving. My
kids were with their mother on Thanksgiving and it made it easier
to manage everyone�s schedule by having dinner the day after
Thanksgiving. If Christmas is going to become the same type of
problem for you, try to understand that you may have to break
from tradition and celebrate Christmas the day before or the day
after. Believe me you will have a better time and there will be
far less tension, and running around.

The world is not a perfect place. The Christmas season can make
us more aware of that then any other time. Small things can
become big things if we let them. Let negative comments go and
focus on the kids and what you can do for them. Try to avoid
financial arguments that seem to always come up during the
holidays. Do your best to discuss things in a calm manner and let
go of the small stuff. Money always seems to be a problem for my
ex wife, not because of my lack of giving, but because of her
lack of work. Gift giving has always been my self imposed
responsibility. Having different expectations of her during the
holidays will only make me angry and destroy the joy that I have
in giving to my kids.

Lastly, no matter how small your holiday celebration might be
don�t make it a downer for your kids. Kids by their nature love
the holidays, whether it be Christmas or Chanukah. Try to keep
you spirits up because you love them, and want them to enjoy the
season. When your kids are with you the biggest gift that you can
give them is a loving dad who has tried to do whatever was
necessary to make their holiday a peaceful one.

Jim Burns is one of America�s most inspirational educational
speakers. His humorous and insightful presentations touch and
influence his audiences in an unforgettable way. He is best known
for his presentations on Bullying, Motivating Disaffected
Students, Diffusing Power Struggles,& CharacterEd <a
href="http://www.dadtalkzone.com/">http://www.dadtalkzone.com/</a>

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