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Christian Marriage Blunders - How to Wreak Havoc in Your Relationship in the New Year

by tgrable2001

A brand new year is here, and with it comes a lot of New Year
resolutions. As Christians, there is no greater place to start
than within your own marriage.  How is your relationship with
your spouse?  Here are 7 ways to totally wreak havoc in your
Christian marriage:

1.	Make mountains out of mole hills
 
Marriages are filled with a lot of joys, sorrows, and
irritations along the way.  Sometimes it can be difficult to
distinguish between a mountain and a molehill.  Mountains are
those things that are worth taking a stand, while molehills are
more like minor irritations. Mountains are very large and
immovable.  Molehills are small irritating piles of dirt that are
easily smoothed over.  If you are having difficulty
distinguishing between and mountain and a molehill, ask yourself
if this issue is worth taking time out of your day to discuss
with your spouse.

2.	Yell at one another

The quickest way to destroy communication in your Christian
marriage is to yell at one another.     Proverbs 18:21 states,
"Life and death are in the power of the tongue, and those who
love it will eat its fruit."  Such power the tongue has!  Are you
using yours for life or death in your relationship with your
spouse?

3.	Build emotional walls

Emotional walls steal the intimacy in a marriage.  And Christian
marriages are not free from them. In fact, every marriage has
them from time to time because we are imperfect humans. Yet, the
difference between a healthy relationship and unhealthy one is
what you do with the emotional walls. Do you choose to keep your
emotional walls, thereby building them higher?  Or do you allow
communication and forgiveness to help tear them down?

4.	Ignore you problems

Avoidance and denial are two crucial ingredients to destroying
any Christian marriage.   They go together with the adage "If we
don't face it, then it doesn't exist" or "Don't rock the boat."  
Conflict avoidance will take your marriage down the pathway to
such great destinations of Misunderstanding, Distrust, and
Resentment.  Where as facing your problems can take you to such
resorts as Forgiveness, Intimacy and Happiness.

5.	Hold on to resentment
 
Resentment paralyzes any martial relationship.   It serves as a
catalyst for distance, lack of communication, and bitterness
between spouses.  If you want a relationship filled with
bitterness, plant the seed of resentment and nurture it with an
unforgiving spirit.

6.	Store up ammunition for your next argument

Long before popular psychology came into existence, the Apostle
Paul penned an award winner definition for Christian love.  It is
found in I Corinthians 13:5, "...it does not keep a record of
wrongs;..."    Today some may call this "letting go" or
"forgiveness."  Regardless of what it is called, as Christians we
are encouraged to not keep a running tally list of the offenses
our spouses have committed against us.

7.	Never ask for forgiveness

As humans, it feels so much better to point out others' faults
rather than admit our own.  Yet, marriage is about having the
maturity to first ask for forgiveness for how we have hurt our
spouse, rather than demanding their asking us for forgiveness.

Do you need to show more forgiveness in your Christian marriage
in the New Year? I invite you to visit
http://www.choosingforgiveness.net where you will find more
information on the power of forgiveness in your Christian
marriage.

Terre Grable is a Christian counselor in Nashville, Tennessee

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